17 Green St. Paddy’s Day Drinks for Teetotalers
Well, it probably hasn't gotten by you that today is St. Patrick's Day!
The 17th of March was originally set aside in the early 17th century by the Christian Church to mark the date that Saint Patrick, the foremost patron saint of Ireland, passed away.
Today, however, St. Paddy's Day is far more synonymous with one thing and one thing only...drinking, drinking, and more drinking!
Yes, it seems alcohol has once again insidiously snaked its way into a time-honored tradition that was never intended to include the overindulgence in spirited liquids to become nothing but a full-blown festival of inebriation to many.
Sadly and because of this though, many folks who don't prefer to imbibe intoxicant libations - like myself - get left holding the keys as a designated driver or just stay home and skip all the drunken revelry.
But there's no reason for us abstemious folks to miss out on all the fun!
So while all of your friends are busy pounding their 17th pitcher of green beers, Midori sours, or appletinis, don't fret!...because there are plenty of non-alcoholic beverage options that are every bit as green and just as much fun!
And so, I present you with 17 plenty-green drinks without an ounce of booze to help you celebrate and remain proudly sober :-)
STARBUCKS ICED MATCHA GREEN TEA LATTE
This one's definitely for tea drinkers and teetotalers alike! It's smooth; it's creamy; and it's topped with whipped cream if you like!
NAKED JUICE GREEN MACHINE
Yes, this stuff looks pretty weird, but it tastes amazing! Packed with tons of good-for-you green fruits and veggies, it's a superb go-to for health nuts and for those that would rather drink their produce than eat it!
MINT OREO BLIZZARD
Our friends at DQ have come through for us on this one! Seriously, who doesn't love the delectable combination of mint and chocolate. And this one's not only green...but you can hold it upside down and not spill a drop! Just try that at the bar ;-)
HAWAIIAN PUNCH GREEN BERRY RUSH
Can't say that I've tried this one. In fact, I haven't even had traditional red Hawaiian Punch for at least fifteen to twenty years! But c'mon, just look at how green this stuff is! If you like your bevies cloying and colorful, then this hits the mark!
DUTCH BROS. REBEL ENERGY DRINK
I'm not much into the energy drink thing, but for those of you who are and want something that looks like the Incredible Hulk in liquid form over a stack of ice to rock on St. Paddy's Day, then this is your poison for certain!
GATORADE SUMMER FRUITS
Billed as a refreshing blend of fruit flavors with hints of tropical fruits and melons, all I can say is that this stuff looks like it was milked from a real leprechaun! So why not give it a try for St. Patrick's Day!
Just like Hawaiian Punch, I probably haven't had a Slurpee since Clinton was in the White House. But it appears there might be an assortment of colors and flavors in 7-Eleven's Skittles Slurpee lineup. Whatever the case, this one sure as hell is green, ain't it? Slurp, slurp!
KIWI ITALIAN SODA
It's a little known fact, but I actually worked at the very first espresso stand in the Wenatchee Valley.
Yep! Several years before Starbucks made its entrance to our little Shangri-La, there was a coffee cart in the East Wenatchee mall called Fleenor's Espresso, and fresh out of high school, I fashioned plenty of these delightfully green concoctions...including a few for myself, so I can assure you, they're perfect for St. Paddy's Day!
HONEYDEW MELON MILK TEA
In recent years, Boba teas have really taken off, and this variety couldn't sound more delicious if it wasn't St. Patrick's Day! Not only is it a beautiful pastel green color, but it tastes like honeydew and has those chewy little pollywogs living in the bottom of the cup too!
LIME RICKEY (VIRGIN)
This classic beverage has been around for over a hundred years and is still considered one of the most refreshing things you could place on your palette any time of the year.
Yes, the Rickey traditionally contains gin or bourbon, but you can easily make a virgin version by leaving the spirits out.
Oh, and to turn it green, you might need to cheat just a little and add a few drops of food coloring, but no one will know the difference ;-)
FANTA GREEN APPLE SODA
Admittedly, just like alcohol, I also don't drink soda pop. But I certainly used to; and back in the day when I did, there would have been nothing that sounded better than an ice-cold, fizzy, liquified green apple Jolly Rancher....which is essentially what this stuff is!
Never had one, but damn am I ready to give it a try!
I love avocados! Not only because they taste phenomenal, but because I also love my brain...and our little light green buddies that hang from a tree are super good for your gray matter too!
So while most of the green-clad zombies out there are busy killing their brain cells on St. Paddy's Day, I'd love nothing more than too proudly sip on this yummy drink and add to my more-than-healthy collection, thank you very much ;-)
Now this one takes me back to being a little boy in the late 1970s.
Green River soda has actually been around since 1916 when it was created by Richard C. Jones in Davenport, Iowa.
Although it's now considered a retro soda, Green Rivers and other fizzy offerings (like Big Red, Bubble Up, and Frostie) were always right next to the Coca-Colas, 7-Ups, and Dr. Peppers in most supermarkets and mini marts.
If you've never had one, then I can tell you from distant taste bud recall that it has a distinctly-sweet lime flavor with perhaps just a hint of cream soda. And it's also certainly green isn't it?!
Described by its bottlers as having herbal overtones with a sweet finish, this has got to be one of the oddest inclusions in our list for certain. But it's definitely green, and if you feel like drinking your lawn trimmings, then I'd say it's downright perfect!
One of my favorite ice cream flavors of all time!...and yes, it just happens to be green too! So just mix it up with the some milk and you've got a sweet and creamy treat made just for St. Patrick's Day!
Alright, I know...but if you have a cold, then knock yourself out! Or how about a Ny-Quil spritzer? Just mix with seltzer water and a bit of sugar and you're all set ;-)
Our only fictional entry in the list, but why not? If you're a nerd like me, then you know the lore surrounding this stuff from the cult classic Troll 2. Bottoms up!